The Retort

From the Desk of One Baroque College Student: Perspective Musings, or Maybe Just

December 11th, 2009 by Lou Donaldson Of The Retort Staff

Ugg, ok so in the mist of multiple massive family gatherings for Thanksgiving, the shopping of “black” (p.c. be damned) weekend (because it extends the whole weekend, it’s not just Friday, people) and the impending doom known as finals week. One needs to take a moment (sometimes several) and “embrace the chaos, while remembering to breath.”

As for myself this is sadly (though to an immense relief, while being utterly terrifying at the same time) my last year with you all and be the grace of the gods and goddesses I shall be graduating in May. However, being as this is my last year there is, on occasion, the issue of senioritis, which basically means that every now and then the mind set of screw it all pops into my head and I want to just say to hell with everything and take a “me” day.

Now, though there is nothing wrong with taking a “me” day every now and then with them being few and far between; but what happens is that senioritis becomes a problem when that thought train happens more often than not. Reaching the point of just not caring about anything is bad, for more than one reason (other than excessive weight gain). Think of it as like being really really high, I mean high enough that it’s to the point where you just want to sit on the couch and stare at the ceiling fan as it spins, or watch Nascar and actually, truly, and thoroughly enjoy it.

Now be like that constantly for a few days, a few weeks, or even a month, and nothing good will come of it, trust me. This my friends is what senioritis feels like at its worst. But I digress, we have all had the days where you just don’t want to get out of bed and sometimes I will admit that I just plain don’t, I grab the covers, burrow down in, and go back to sleep. But in thinking about this mental state that I find myself having to “rebel” against I find that maybe, just possibly, a good part of it comes from the major upheavals that have befallen aspects of my life this semester. Even though some won’t come to fruition for awhile yet.

A friend, mentor, and former professor of mine recently passed on to the next plain of existence, while another has been stricken with terminal cancer (the doctors give her anywhere from 2 to 7 months). She was a driving force in my attending college and now there is a harsh and real possibility that she will die before she gets to see me graduate. Add to this that two of my current professors, and dare I say friends (I don’t use that term often mainly for the reason that I don’t count a lot of people as actual “friends”), will be leaving at the end of the academic year.

So yeah not only is the security blanket that I have been wrapping myself in for these past years is being yanked off of me. It is also being ripped to shreds and thrown in the incinerator as if the remove an infestation of scarlet fever (Velveteen Rabbit for those who don’t get the reference).

Though life is like mercury, flowing and changing as it goes, it is still disheartening and sad that I will not able to drop by to shoot the breeze or pick the brains of these, the ones who have had an influence on me. I don’t know maybe it’s like I said, it’s all just my perspective musings, or maybe just senior procrastination.