The Retort

What is Facebook?

February 19th, 2010 by Leah Campbell Of The Retort Staff

Many people have fallen victim to a rising pandemic that stands above all networking sites on the web. It has vanquished myspacers and helped to birth Twitter. Facebook is the Terminator of the internet world, the latest drug of choice, the glass that just can’t be filled no matter how many times a day you sign on. Currently, it hosts 350 million members as posted on Facebook.com. But, like so many members’ status, that number is changing daily. Though it may be an addiction to some, a mere social interaction for others, or just a nuisance, some of you cave-people out there may wonder how to jump on the Facebook bandwagon.

Whether people use Facebook to stay in touch with friends, stalk love interests, keep an eye on family members or just to play its many interactive games, Facebook should not be taken lightly. The joining and creating of a Facebook account requires many detailed steps and should be looked upon with a serious eye. Lucky for you, I have the answers. Whether you are a member or not, the steps that follow will help you to make the most of your Facebook.

1. The first step of Facebook is to sign up. This is sometimes the hardest part of the process. You will need to enter your name, e-mail, birth date, and create a password. Persons under the age of 13 are not permitted to become members of Facebook and the whole birth date option tends to be a little touchy. Once you’re “in,” you have the option of filling out a variety of subjects about yourself: religion, relationship status, favorite movies, favorite books - really riveting questions that everyone is dying to know. You may also opt to write a short blurb about yourself. Other subjects featured under your info tab include your educational background and fan sites. Under the sign-up option, you will also set privacy settings in which you decide if you want just friends to view your profile or you can opt to share your profile with unknown strangers.

2. The second step is to find and “request” friends. This means that the people you request can see your pictures (step 3), view your status (step 5) and post things on your “wall.” Requesting a friendship is pretty open-ended and the people you “request” may not accept your friendship. But, don’t let rejection get you down. There are plenty more friends to request and even some strangers who will gladly accept. Obviously, in the world of Facebook, that “quality is better than quantity” saying does not apply. The more friends you have, the better you look - which is the most important thing on Facebook.

3. Speaking of looks, step three involves the downloading and posting of pictures. This is, perhaps, the most important step. As I’ve mentioned before, Facebook is so much more than socializing. At its core, Facebook is about showing all your (hopefully envious) friends how much fun you’re having. The pictures you post on Facebook are divided into three categories. Their names and descriptions are as follows:

1. The Default Picture: The Default Picture is the picture that is set beside your name when you post a new status. Usually these pictures fall in the realm of close-ups with enigmatic smiles, or the more classic pout-with-peace-sign taken in front of the bathroom mirror. Whichever you choose, let your default picture represent who you are. And, when you tire of it in an hour or two, you can always post a new one.

2. The Albums: On Facebook you have the option of creating albums. You may have names for you albums like “Totally Wasted,” “My Trip to Pakistan,” “Family Time,” or “College Life.” The “College Life” album may feature pictures of you and your friends in a car, you and your friends walking down a street, you and your friends on a couch sticking your tongues out, you and your friends in another car…and so on. It’s very important that you look like you’re having fun in your pictures. Any unattractive, boring or nude pictures should not be posted (because you can get in trouble with those. The nude ones, I mean).

3. The Tagged Photos: Unfortunately, life is not always fair and light is not always in the right spot to accentuate your flawless cheekbones or tanned six-pack. Tagged photos are the result of other people having pictures of you, posting them then “tagging” you in them. Sometimes, these pictures are, shall we say, an inaccurate representation of your good genes. Life is not always perfect in Facebook world.

4. The fourth step, once you’ve created your account, accumulated some friends, and posted some pictures, is to start exploring the many fan groups Facebook offers. I myself am a fan of Laughter, Rob & Big, Flipping the Pillow Over to Get to the Cold Side and Kool-Aid, to name a few. The options are endless.

5. The next step is to answer that riveting question scrolled across your Facebook page: What is on your mind? It is important that you think long and hard about what you post here. Life’s frustrations, thought-provoking questions, a day’s accomplishments, popular song lyrics, movie quotes, and Bible verses are a few examples. When posting things on your “wall” remember that spelling does not matter in the least. Though you have spell-check, dictionary.com, and over twelve years of education on you, that doesn’t automatically mean you will use those resources. So, go ahead, be creative and obtuse in your posts; write “a lot” as one word and tack on a few extra letters to every other word (realll, hottt, sweeetttttt). Popular posts may include words and phrases like “epic,” “OMG,” “LMAO,” “that’s what she said,” and “I’m over it.” What you post on your wall is at your fingertips (and your intelligence, in most cases).

6. Facebook offers many games, like Farmville, Sorority Life and Café World, to name a few. I myself have yet to fall victim to the Facebook game craze, but that does not mean you are immune to the plague.

7. At this point, you have wasted an adequate amount of time writing about yourself, taking/posting pictures of yourself and asking yourself questions. Now, it’s time to explore some of the things your friends have posted. They may write you messages on your “wall,” which is basically an ongoing news feed about all recent activities.

Before I go, I will mention a few other enticing features to check out to make your Facebook experience more exciting - and I think their titles alone will light some interest in you. They include, but do not encompass, the following: Flair, Poking, pillow fights, birthdays, top friends, zoosk (?), videos and skype, and new features are being added every day.

It is advised that you log on to Facebook at least once a day to reduce the risk of missing anything important