The Retort

Websites to Make You Laugh, Cry and Kill Time

October 21st, 2011 by Melinda Wood Of The Retort Staff

You have a paper due tomorrow, several hundred pages to read and a test to study for - what should you do? Kill time on the internet of course! Who cares about grades when there is so much to do online! But soon you’ve seen every friend’s facebook status (and seriously what is with all the over-sharing? I do not need to know your bathroom habits, thank you very much), and know every celebrity rumor so well you could probably run your own tabloid show out of your dorm room. Should you just log off and actually do some work? Of course not! There are plenty of sites that you can kill time on.

One of my favorites is on the site www.thesneeze.com, posts tagged with “STEVE DON’T EAT THAT!” It chronicles one grown man’s disgusting food adventures. He will try anything that makes others sick just thinking about eating it. The most entertaining post is when he decides to eat his trees brain (just look it up, it’s great).

If you like to mock things that others have made - and let’s be honest who doesn’t take some joy in laughing at someone’s misguided craft experiments - check out www.Regretsy.com. It is really amazing what people will try to sell on the internet: a crocheted wire mask, pet hair extensions and aerobic leotards for men. How in the world can you live without this stuff? I suggest getting everyone you hate Christmas gifts on this site.

This last site makes me fear anyone with a camera phone when I’m too lazy to put on proper clothing to leave the house, www.poorlydressed.failblog.org, You may feel guilty for laughing at people’s wardrobe choices but it’s so funny that it’s hard to care. It seems that there is a shortage of pants that fit and shirts that cover stomachs. Oh, and anything that looks like my little pony and rainbow bright puked up a clothing line is apparently very popular.

Now get back to work! You procrastinate entirely too much.