The Retort

A Man’s View on Abortion

November 4th, 2011 by Andrew Donnelly Of The Retort Staff

I want to go to class naked from now on. Many people believe that public nudity is wrong and that it’s illegal. They believe public nudity is disgusting, bizarre and that it goes against religious beliefs. But, so what?

Does that last sentence convince you I should be free to attend class naked? Does it actually just sound absurd? Well, that’s exactly the same argument Paulina Carrillo made in favor of abortion in her opinion piece published last issue, October 21.

I’m not surprised that phrases like “so what?” get used to defend abortion. It’s hard to use more rationally sound rhetoric when you stand on moral low ground.

Carrillo also teaches us, “What people need to learn to do is mind their own business.” What a wonderful lesson to adapt to any and every context! When I disrobe down to my birthday suit and then step into class, people will get upset and tell me to get out and get dressed. I will tell them, “You need to mind your own business!”

They will have no choice but to admit I’m right. People will stop dialing the campus police, and congratulate me on my good sense and open-mindedness. I’ll assure everyone that I’ll disinfect my seat before I leave, just like people do at tanning beds. Not that I would know, because I’m pale and fair skin is sexy.

People shouldn’t get any say in whether or not they see my naked body. If I’m going to go through the trouble of disrobing in public, then other people need to respect my choice. Why? Because it’s my body - not yours! That was a little more rationale I stole from Carrillo. Admittedly, I am adapting her logic to a fault, and at a bit of a stretch. So what? LOL!

Carrillo says, “The woman should not be forced to bear a child she does not even want. Why should she go through nine painful months followed by hours of labor, just because the man wants the baby? In the end, the man will win, while the woman will have gained nothing out of this experience but fifty pounds of fat and a month-long period.”

Allow me to add one itsy-bitsy third thing to that list - a newborn baby! I think new life is more important to focus on then fifty pounds of fat and a month long period.

Complaints about the drawbacks of pregnancy come from the wrong attitude. Oh, boo-hoo, you have to adapt for nine whole months! I didn’t like the long nine months of school every year much. In fact, I’ve spent nine months at school for the last 16 consecutive years. I could find drawbacks to that obviously, but it doesn’t make sense for me to endlessly complain.

The time we spend at school gives us something good - an education. The time women spend pregnant give the world something wonderful - new human beings. If you can’t appreciate or respect that, I feel bad for you.

Do I feel bad that I myself caused my mother pain and discomfort in the process of growing in her womb and then being born? Yes, a little bit. I respect her toughness. That doesn’t mean I would approve of her wanting to abort me for the sake of her own short-term comfort.

Also, Carrillo claims raped women should get abortions, so that the hypothetical child doesn’t grow up as a “bastard,” unloved by his (or her) mother. “The kid will probably develop some extreme psychological disorders or carry the father’s same bad gene.” That is making some huge assumptions. First of all, that’s assuming that the mother keeps the child instead of giving him up for adoption. The child wouldn’t ever have to know that his father was a rapist. Even if he did get raised by his mother and developed some psychological disorders, that doesn’t mean that his life is pointless and too miserable to be worth living. How do we know that he isn’t destined for great things? How do we know that he can’t live a normal, positive life? If you just assume that a rapist father automatically means a rapist son, then you are ignorant and grasping for straws.

Carrillo also has the nerve to insult the hell out of anyone born with a handicap. “Think about it, having to live with Down syndrome isn’t fun or easy.” That attitude is inhumane and it made me sad just to see it in print. You know what? My life isn’t always fun or easy, either, come to think of it. Maybe I shouldn’t go on living. Maybe I should despise my mother for daring to bring me into this cesspool of a world.

Parents with handicapped children love them just as much as any other child. It isn’t anyone’s place to say that the handicapped shouldn’t have to be born. Handicapped people make valuable contributions to society and their families. To ignore that is outrageous and stupid. Why don’t you do a little research before writing stuff like that, and interview a person with Down syndrome and try to get them to explain to you why they deserve to exist. You might just learn something about human nature and human worth.

Carrillo says, “Maybe anti-abortionists should try being forced to do what they don’t want to do and see how much they enjoy it.” Guess what? Most pregnant people weren’t forced to get pregnant. Everyone knows, when a man ejaculates into a woman’s body, there is a chance of pregnancy. If you don’t like how the human body works and want to fight our animal nature, that’s fine. Just be aware and be informed. If you don’t want to get pregnant, don’t let a man ejaculate in you. That simple.

Oh, and don’t give me that “condom didn’t work” line. According to Avert.org, “The main reason that condoms sometimes fail is incorrect or inconsistent use, not the failure of the condom itself.” Meaning if you insist on using condoms (which I disapprove of anyway, but that’s another story), you have to be at least smart enough to use them consistently and properly. Don’t be surprised when you skip the condom one night, resulting in pregnancy.

Don’t tell me you didn’t have any choice but get pregnant, so you have to resort to abortion. Just tell the truth. You got sperm inside you, you got pregnant. Now you can’t be bothered to participate in the circle of life like all of our ancestors obviously did.

Don’t say you can’t have a child because you can’t afford it. What you mean is, you will have to start spending your money on your children instead of on yourself. At least here in America we have systems in place so that all children can have food and medical care, even if the parents can’t afford it.

There, I’ve debunked one of the most common arguments. Unless you want to say that poor people are a scourge on society, and that we should seek to weed them out by preventing their birth. Poor kids are totally disgusting, right? We can’t let poor parents give birth to poor kids then. Seriously, there are better ways to fight poverty than encouraging poor people to abort their offspring.

Carrillo says, “The man should try being pregnant himself, and see how he likes it.” Uh, what? Yeah, I’ll get right on that, right after I try being Brad Pitt myself, and see how I like being fawned over by millions of women. Because that’s totally possible.

Carrillo says, “Giving birth just to make someone else happy or to give the baby away is not as logical as it may sound.” My uncle and aunt are raising three adopted children. They love them very much and are providing them a wonderful upbringing in a good home. Try telling them that people shouldn’t give their babies away. Try telling them that their children would’ve been better off just being aborted.

Carillo sums up her arguments by saying, “And finally, legal or not, abortions will always be taking place.” Good point. Legal or not, public nudity will always be seen out there somewhere. We may as well just legalize it so that people like me can express themselves by going to class naked. Just kidding. That’s dumb.