The Retort

A: If I had a nickel for every time I had to deal with this exact same problem in my own life, I’d be a rich man. Ultimately the only person’s opinion that should matter is your own. If you are happy with yourself then rock out. If your friend’s opinions about you matter that much then you can always do the, “would my mother approve of this” before deciding on an outfit or a behavior. Behavior can be a huge factor, people can be labeled “slutty” no matter what outfit they are wearing, so before you change your wardrobe drastically make sure what aspect is causing your friends to be concerned. Don’t forget that this might just be a simple case of jealousy over how good you look or how much attention you are getting during these social outings. So figure out if it’s your outfits, your behavior, or your friends jealousy issues so you can address the problem properly.

A: Start by taking an interest in their life. Figure out when they have class, when they work, when they shower, etc. and start planning your outings when you know they will be busy with other things. Invite them anyways and when they inform you that they cannot attend because they are busy with other things look disappointed and suggest that maybe next time will be better. On days when you know that they are not busy simply change the name of your outing from “party” to something like “study group”, just be sure it’s for a class that they are not also in. After a handful of these occasions it becomes acceptable to stop inviting them altogether since they are always busy anyway. Of course, this is the “long con” style of solutions. If you simply want a night away from them, use the excuse that your meeting up with your parents, significant other, or some other personal reason. This can give you the break you need without causing hurt feelings. Then again, you could always try talking to them and explain that you two don’t have to do everything together or that you just need some time without them.

A: I am a huge advocate for communication and my first thought is to suggest an open honest conversation with your friend. If your friendship means that much to them they will understand. Sometimes, though, we have a hard time figuring out what to say and how to say it, so you can always try a more creative approach. Explain that, with the semester coming close to an end you are becoming bogged down with the amount of work you need to do for your own classes. Assure them that you are more than willing to help them by reviewing or editing their assignments before they turn them in but, sadly, you can’t afford to offer much more help than that. Again, if your friendship is the reason why you are in their life they will understand.